Tuesday, August 23, 2011

New School Year = New Goals!

Who would have thought I would have children too little for school, but still have my life revolve around the school year? Well, it does and it will for the next year at least. So I guess we'll get a little break before Phillip starts school. We have been so off our schedules for the last month with Matt home all day. Don't get me wrong I LOVE having my hubby 24/7! We have just been trying to make the most of our time together so schedules and normal days are non-existent. Today we have a little taste of what things will be like when he goes back to work. He has a day full of meeting, the rest of the week off and goes back for good Monday. So I decided to make today a day to see how our schedule will work since the kids are getting bigger and their needs have changed slightly. Enter my new goal: working out! Since we don't have a double stroller and Phillip has too much energy to trust him on sidewalks, I have to find ways to work out in the house. So I am doing Jillian Michael's (The Biggest Loser goddess) 30 Day Shred. Can I just say, holy crap! I am SO out of shape. I think I'm in worse shape now than I was when I started it right before I got pregnant with Annaleigh. My legs are currently like jello. I just went up stairs to check on Annaleigh. Surprisingly up was NOT the hard part. I thought my legs were going to collapse coming down. I am seriously considering sliding down the stairs Phillip style when I have to bring Annaleigh back down. Go ahead laugh it up! I know I am! So my new goal is make working out a part of my daily routine AND, ready for the big one? My ultimate long term goal is to lose 43lbs by my anniversary, December 20th! Am I crazy? I might be! Only time will tell! At that point I will probably create another long term goal because really to make it to a "healthy" weight I will still have about 30 MORE lbs to lose.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Age does not bring grace!

Today was the worst dining experience of my life. We decided to spend our last day of absolute freedom (Matt's classes start Monday) in Riverdale at the splash pad. We haven't been in forever. Phillip loves water. And I am thinking they close it around labor day, but could be wrong. It seemed like the perfect thing for a nice Saturday. We got into town around lunch time so we decided we'd have lunch at Applebee's before the park. We have restaurants we will and will not go to with our kids in tow. Applebee's is on the kid safe list. It is normally a rather noisy environment and has sports and such playing on TVs at all times. It was actually a rather decent day for Phillip. He didn't throw any tantrums. He got a little upset we couldn't just leave to play in the water instead of eating first. He was by a window so he would spot things he like outside and tells all about them excitedly. He was a little loud. He doesn't quite understand the whole inside/outside voice thing yet, but like I said Applebee's isn't a quiet restaurant so I didn't see it as a huge deal. He would get up and jump on the bench. We'd sit him back down and he'd be ok for a while. We waited FOREVER for our food. Matt and I were getting antsy with how long it was taking. I can only imagine how much torture it was for Phillip. We finally got our food. Phillip would eat a few bites then find something to look at or stand up to look at the old ladies behind us.

I was almost finished with my food when he stood up, turned around, and the old self-righteous bat boozing it up at noon got nasty. I don't remember exactly what she said. I was in total shock when I realized she turned around to totally bash my parenting. It was something along the lines of how ridiculous our kid was being and how we should think twice about taking him out to lunch with us. I calmly turned around halfway through her rant. I decided from that point on Phillip could do whatever the heck he wanted for the very short remainder of our lunch. As I finished the rest of my lunch fighting back tears I thought of probably a million different things to say to her. She continued to make comments to her even older lunch buddy AND the people across the aisle from  us. I was so mad and really hurt. We couldn't get out of that place fast enough. Phillip had moved to sitting beside Matt and he can see I'm upset and is asking "what's wrong, mommy." Matt answered for me telling him "old ladies are rude, that's what's wrong." Toddlers are HARD! They have so much energy and are so excited about the world. That translates into an inability to sit still, inappropriate voice levels, and exploration of every kind(translation: they get into everything they shouldn't). I try so hard to keep Phillip in check. Her words were like a sucker punch. Maybe I'm not doing the best. Maybe my son is an insane annoyance to everyone around. Do people look at us and think we are horrible parents? After taking the time to look at this entirely about myself I started thinking about this situation as a whole. This woman knew absolutely nothing about us. What if our situation had been special? A million different scenarios of how she could have really severely hurt someone played out in mind. What if my child were special needs? I can't believe someone could be so rude about lunch at Applebee's. It's not like we took our kids to a nice steakhouse or even Olive Garden. I chose not to say anything at all to the lady. I was wishing after we left that I had said something to make her understand how incredibly rude she was being. After a few hours of thinking, I realized nothing good would have come of anything I said to her. She was too old and shriveled for anything to sink in.

Hours later I am still in shock about what happened. We have gone out to eat several times here in Evanston with Phillip being much worse than he was today, and no one has ever said a word to us. In fact, just yesterday we were grocery shopping and he was throwing an absolute tantrum. Matt had to pick him up and he was kicking and screaming. A sweet lady came up to us. She was shopping with her daughter and told us her daughter had a boy who was exactly like that and is now a perfect gentleman so there is hope. It was such a nice gesture. It is so hard raising a toddler. You spend most of the day at your wits end and the rest realizing how worth it it all is. It was so nice to have someone, especially a complete stranger give you pat on the back. A little encouragement. So if you are out and about and ever see a young mother struggling say a kind word. You cannot imagine how much it will lift her spirits especially if she has a trying little one!

As I put Phillip to bed tonight I took an extra minute to love him. I love the mess out of that little boy no matter how crazy he is. I love his craziness. I love watching him learn and grow. I love watching him get so excited and how he is learning to care for others. Today I vow to try a little harder to let him be a toddler. To not get so worked up over ALL the little things he does throughout the day. I don't want him to ever NOT be excited about life. The manners will come eventually. I think nice little reminders of how to act appropriately for the setting are much more appropriate for a toddler than insisting perfection. You'll only end up overly frustrated. And here's to hoping I do not encounter mean old ladies on a regular basis!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


Matt thinks I spoil Annaleigh. I do make more things for her and I do get really excited about all the girly things I can make. It is so much easier to make cute things for girls. There just aren't a lot of creative things to make for a toddler boy. I might be able to make him a tie. I have made him beanies. Cute things are just simply easy to make. And maybe I do spoil her. I find myself feeling the need to compensate when it comes to her. Other than my mom, sister and brother-in-law who all came in from Texas no one came to see Annaleigh at the hospital despite her birth being scheduled weeks before and actually being in the hospital for like 4 days. When Phillip was born we were met with a group of people when I was finally moved  to my room from recovery. We have never had pictures made of Annaleigh. The only pictures I have of her are the ones I've taken. Then there's the whole being grateful she is even here considering all she has gone through. So maybe I do spoil her a little by making her cute things to wear. It's cheaper than buying her tons of cute stuff like we did with Phillip. I think I'm okay with spoiling her now. She's an independent baby for the most part. She has her moments where she only wants mom, but she sleeps in her own bed, she puts herself to sleep, I can actually clean while she's awake, she can entertain herself, and she developing normally. I think she's a fairly well adjusted baby even with the spoiling!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Nap Time Crafters: Lilypotamus Giveaway & a Winner!

Nap Time Crafters: Lilypotamus Giveaway & a Winner!:

Nap Time Crafters is hosting a Lilypotamus giveaway! Lilypotamus has some adorable girls clothes. While you're there check out Nap Time Crafter's tutorials. She has some adorable stuff!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Some wounds never heal

As I have gotten older (and I'd like to think wiser). I have come to realize there are some things in life we just never recover from completely. The hypothetical wounds heal, but are never completely gone. I still get emotional when I think about the day Annaleigh was admitted to the hospital for RSV. I still get nervous when she gets a cold. When she coughs I instinctively reach for a blanket to prepare for the gagging, entire bottle spit up she had when she had RSV.
Having a c-section was another hard one. I had a few weeks after Phillip was born where I was incredibly sad and mourned what felt like the loss of my womanhood. I think only women who have gone through this can really understand what it feels like. I had resolved to try for a VBAC with our next child. We didn't expect to have another baby so soon. I wasn't sure my body was healed enough to be able to push out a child and if I ended up with another c-section I needed someone there to help me with Phillip. If I had a c-section I wouldn't even be able to get him out of bed. So in order to insure I would have help with Phillip we opted for another c-section. I have learned to accept I will most likely never have a normal birth. Having a scheduled c-section does have it's perks. I know exactly what to expect. We will know ahead of time exactly when our children will be born. I will always have help available. It still hurts, though. When I hear of a women who had a natural birth I always feel a twinge of jealousy. It isn't so bad that I loathe other women, but I just know I will never have that and it hurts.
Then there are other wounds only a few know about. Wounds that we are afraid to share with others and that tend to resurface when we least expect them. They effect those closest to us in the ways they resurface. The hardest part of dealing with these is knowing they will never go away. The resurfacings become farther apart with time, but we know they will always happen. And I think that's what sucks the most about those wounds. They never go away!